The relationship starts to get stale.  You know each other really well.  The good points and the not-so-good.
Something I believe is essential in a partnered relationship is doing new, unique, interesting things.  I'm NOT referring to swinging from chandeliers, or, even "swinging".  I'm referring to keeping the excitement alive, just as you did when you were dating.  When you're dining out, don't look at the cell phone; in fact, turn the cell phone off.  Whether you are a man or a woman, don't just dress for the occasion, dress for your woman or man--clean, pressed clothing.  Give surprise gifts, either out-of-the-blue, or, to mark past events (anniversaries are the first thing that might come to mind, but what's wrong with a monthly special date?).  A spontaneous overnight in Bucks Cty, Center City, etc.?  Or, after dinner, head to your local coffee house and have a special cup of "brew" together; see a movie in the middle of the week and treat your "date" to the big cup of buttered popcorn.  How long has it been since the two of you have gone bowling?  Some of them even have dining opportunities; however, I use the word, dining, lightly.  Go to a venue that has the kind of music you both enjoy.  Have you ever been to Melalani, Steel City or Mermaid?  Take an evening or weekend class together (MALT, adult regional High Schools, TU Adult Learning, etc.) and learn something new together.  

The point is:  Keep it Fun, Silly, Spontaneous.

I would like to add here that I am well-aware that there are trying times that all relationships must endure: Personal and family illnesses, death of a loved one, financial burdens that come out-of-the-blue.    Of course, they have to be dealt with, as these are unavoidable facts of life.  But that doesn't mean that you can't pick up where you left off before those challenging times occurred.  

Remember the fun you had when you were dating?  Keep on, Keep on...dating, that is!

Addendum:  Check out "30 Lessons for Loving",  advice from the wisest Americans on love, relationships and marriage, by Karl Pillemer, Ph.D., 2015

Let's take the time to listen to each other.  To really listen.  Whether it's our spouse, partner, parent, child, employer or fellow employee...let's really hear them.  What they're saying and the underlying meaning.  How do you know that you REALLY understand what you are hearing?  How many of you are very busy formulating your own thoughts that you miss some of the conversation?

Has anyone asked you, "If you were really listening to me, what did I say?"  Perhaps you are able to 'fudge-it,' but real listening means more than being able to repeat back what your partner/friend said to you.  It means to hone in, not to be distracted, give full attention.

When some people drive their automobiles, it is not unusual for them to be multi-tasking:  changing channels on their radio, do I dare-say texting, and conversing with passengers.  They hear the words, and they may be responding, as well; however, they shouldn't be facing the person or giving full eye contact.  Their bodies, again, shouldn't be turned in the speaker's direction.  Indicators of non-verbal communication would be difficult to see, and verbal communication is hindered by the driver's need to focus on the real issue, driving safety, road signs and road conditions, the route, speed, stopping distance, and other driving concerns.   Add inclement conditions (rain or snow or other slippery conditions) and the driver's focus needs to be 100% on the road.  This text isn't about automobile safety; it's an example of how distraction, i.e. attention to driving, inhibits our ability to listen and communicate effectively - - even when we think we are listening.

Listen for the idea or theme that the speaker is conveying.  Listen to their tone, cadence and volume.  Are they speaking in an excited, raised voice?  Do you disagree with something they have said?  Allow them to speak their peace before responding.  Try to understand where they are coming from before you attempt to prove your point of view.  Give full attention and then, and only then, state your response with a follow-up as to why you believe that way.

So this year, let's start anew, let's relax, and really listen, and then speak, and listen, listen and then, MORE LISTENING.

Have a healthy and happy 2017.
1/2/17