You know what I mean.  You greet someone for the 1st time, and they smile courteously, politely, but not especially sincere.  What's the point?  It shows lack of interest or even distraction.  But something you might be surprised to hear is that when you are feeling "down," "low," or, otherwise, not yourself, I would recommend that you force a smile.  "But I don't feel like smiling," you might say. 

​BECAUSE, when you do, you are releasing feel-good chemicals.  Your heart rate will lessen and very likely, you will feel better.  If you don't want to force it, think about something that gives you thoughts of gratification.  Studies have indicated that doing this on an ongoing basis will make you feel calmer and more upbeat.

Robb Elementary School is a small school, only approximately 475 students, Kindergarten to 4th Grade.  Why it was chosen to be the site of a heart-breaking, cold-blooded massacre of 19 innocent and brave children and 2 heroic teachers is beyond my wildest comprehension and understanding.  I am sickened by the senseless loss of life of these children and their teachers for what purpose.  A mentally-ill young man, age 18, was able to purchase an automatic rifle, an assault rifle designed for military use.  These guns should NOT be sold to the general public. I really don't care to hear about our Constitutional Right to bear arms.  When our forefathers wrote those words, they used muskets, gunpowder and lead balls.  Some of them took 30 minutes or longer to load.  An AR-5 and AR 15, etc , family of AR rifles were not intended for the lay public, as stated specifically by the inventor of these automatic rifles, Eugene Stoner.  

I am angry!  Very angry at these gun manufacturers.

I have in previous blogs wrote of forgiveness, and this is an area that I discuss with my clients, friends and others.  I chose the themes of my blogs several weeks in advance. The theme of forgiveness was selected before the recent senseless shootings at a Taiwanese Presbyterian church in southern California, at a Buffalo grocery store filled with elderly black people and before the most recent horrific school shooting in Uvalde, Texas that took the lives of 19 children and 2 incredibly brave and heroic teachers. I considered changing the theme of forgiveness for this month but then realized that it is the perfect theme for June.   Like many of us I have spent several weeks in tears around these different events and my heart goes out to all of those who have been impacted by these unimaginable acts. Like all of us who have expressed feelings about these recent events, I struggle to find the words. But I will try.  After we grieve, we will recover from this. We are resilient and eventually life will begin to make sense again. If you are feeling like there is nothing you can do to help, consider how you can share love in your everyday life. Smile at a stranger, share a kind word, help a neighbor or volunteer in your community.  Spread love.  Hug your family and friends, tell them you love them, appreciate them deeply. All of these events are reminders that life can be taken away in an instant. As incredibly difficult and heart-wrenching as these major events are, we must remember that we will heal. Hope will return against all odds because love is bigger than any horror or hate the world can throw at us.

In November (2021), I wrote a post on Loss/Sadness (titled, "Heartbreak"), and I re-read it today because, I suffered a loss and I'm feeling heartbroken.  It was helpful for me to experience the words on the page. 

I lost my little 17 y.o. mini long-haired dachshund last month, and I miss her terribly.  I know that this might spark some controversy, but I feel as though I lost my child.  I've had a number of dogs and cats in the past, but this dog, in particular, didn't think of herself as a dog.  In fact, close friends who knew her well, stated that she, herself, didn't think of herself as a dog.  She acted more like a "little human.,"

It's almost a month now, and everyday, a tear or two rolls down my cheeks multiple times/day, involuntarily.  All of my FB friends posted their understanding of what a huge loss this was for me, and they have all expressed their condolences, but do they really know the attachment, the intense love I had for that dog?

Our pets do not live long enough, and it is an extremely difficult decision to euthanize them at the end stage of their life.  Questions remain:  was it the right thing to do; was it the right time for it to be done; did she suffer (she was crying during the process);  could anything more be done to provide her life;  would any of these tests/procedures actually prolong suffering?

As you can see by my Archive List, I took the month of January off from writing a Post.  Truthfully, I was too distraught.  I don't know if everyone understands the level of grief; after all, they're just an animal (sic).  

But they're so much more.  She was so much more.  She was my one-in-a-million "dogter."

​RIP, "Gitta."

It's such a conundrum...forgiveness is.   My personal thought is that, in most cases, it is actually more beneficial for ourselves than for the person we are forgiving.

Are there acts or behavior that are unforgiveable?  Before you answer that, think of an inappropriate act that might be committed against your child by a family member, friend or stranger.  You don't always have to forgive someone.

IMO, if the trust is broken (trust being the key word here), it would be very difficult, if not impossible to have a relationship with that person again.  At the very least, the broken trust will always be a factor when dealing with the individual.

Can you forgive without condoning what happened?  If you can, if you can really be honest with yourself, you can make a choice to forgive.

One thing I know for sure.  Holding onto the negative thoughts, the anger, the emotions that you can't let go can be more detrimental, not only with that relationship, but other relationships, as well.  Talk to a professional if these overwhelming thoughts and feelings take over your life and ability to be happy, joyful and satisfied.
​Note:  see 4/6/21 "Forgiveness" entry.

Can you heal a broken heart?  I read the lyrics of The Bee Gees song, " How Can you Mend a Broken Heart?" and some of the lyrics indicate that there are situations, instances when you just can't mend your broken heart.   Whether it's a loss of a loved one or the end of a relationship, I believe that you can, but it take a lot of work and time.  It is important to know the things that bring you joy.  And schedule those in.  It doesn't mean that you won't feel surges of sadness.  It's important to give yourself what you feel like you need.   

What if it was your friend who was experiencing trauma of loss?  You might ask what you could do, and that is what you must ask yourself.

All of us have different ways of experiencing situational sadness.
Take it slowly.  Take it easy.  Practice serious self-care.  Be kind to yourself.  And, open your heart to love...

Ok, I've got your attention, and, you may be thinking...I've heard of this Meditation-thing from a lot of people, but I didn't think that it would be for me.  Well, this may be the perfect time for you.

Find a comfortable chair and sit straight.  Close your eyes, preferably.  If you rather keep your eye lids open, pick a spot in the room that you are in to focus.
Now let's address your breath and the associated rhythm.  I would recommend thinking not so much about your breath, but rather think about a place on your body which the breath affects, e.g., the in & out movements of your anatomy affected by your respirations (expanding your ribs, filling your lungs.  Just feel it.  You could also say, "in" and "out" with each cycle.  Invariably, your mind is going to start to wander, what am I going to make for dinner tonite, don't forget to pick up the laundry on the way home, don't forget to tell my partner this or that.  This is a normal process.  We used to refer to this as day-dreaming.  When this occurs, don't judge yourself, just bring yourself back to the mechanics of your breathing...in & out.  Three minutes, 5 minutes...it's all good.  There are some wonderful 10-minute meditations on You Tube.  A daily practice of that is like a tonic for your soul.  Feelings related to stress will just melt away.
​

I don't know where the Summer went, but here we are in September, and officially, the beginning of Autumn.  

Here's a riddle!

What can take as little as a minute?  Decrease anxiety, your blood pressure; strengthen your immune system and slow down the natural aging process of the brain.  

Give up?

The answer would be:  Mindful Meditation.  Why is it mindful?  Because, you have to give full attention to your breath.  You have to catch yourself when your mind wanders with random thoughts, and, you have to bring your attention back to your breath.

​Five to ten minutes /day would be ideal, but like any other practice, you have to start somewhere, and somewhere is anywhere.  Next entry shall be easy-peasy steps for you to begin.  Let's GO!

Is There Such a Thing as Having Too Much Fun?
What do you do that you consider fun?  Shouting at the top of your lungs at a football game, bar drinking with friends, betting on horses or gambling at the Casino?

You must really like it; otherwise, why would you be doing it?

Does it make you feel better?  Surely, you do when you are carousing with friends.  Or when you are heavily engaged in a captivating conversation.  You are listening intently, you are offering insights, you are glad that you are there, in that person's company.

When you are having fun, you are smiling, you are happy.  Do you have to be with others to have fun?  Certainly not!  Doing what you enjoy, exploring new territories, playing a game of bowling by yourself can be as much fun as playing against someone else.  Shooting pool by yourself can be as engaging playing solo, as it can be with a playing partner.  Speaking of pool, taking a swim, doing laps can be fulfilling and make you feel accomplished.  That can be fun too.

But do what you love and love what you do and HAVE FUN while you are doing it.

​I don't know if my colleagues would agree with me.  That is, I believe there are circumstances that aren't in your best interest to forgive.  It would not be healing for you.  
Actually, I believe strongly in what is done, is done.  What is the point of holding onto grudges?
If another individual will not apologize to you, can you just let it go, or, do you forgive?  However, if you feel truly wronged. You may not wish to put yourself in the awkward position of seeing that person, dealing with hurt feelings or, waiting for an apology that may never happen.  What I do know to be true is that percolating with that grudge is unhealthy and can make you sick.  And, what good is that?