Chicken Little said, "The sky is falling; the sky is falling."  How much can we endure?  How much can YOU endure?  
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Whenever you feel overwhelmed, recognize that it's a sign to take notice of what is happening, and what do you need to do to become wiser because of it.

Are you positive about the future?  Will a vaccine become available sooner than later?  Will the economy rebound?

If you believe there will be a vaccine and that the economy will revive, your life now and in the future will be better for it.  Whatever is going to happen...whenever, it's going to happen.  When you're in control of yourself.  When your attitude is a positive one, you're the one in charge, not the other way around.

Stay safe.

TWO MONTHS IN

​While we are hunkering-down, there are activities that we are currently unable to do:  movies, dining-out, attending sporting events or, for that matter, being in a congested environment.

How can we be happy in this situation?  Is there anything 'positive' that we can make from this?

What are you doing during this time?  Accomplishing?  Achieving
Joy is something we can experience in the ups and downs of life.  It may not be pleasurable, enjoyable, or, satisfying.

However, we feel the happiest when we feel we are growing in our relationships , or, when we see life, as a challenge instead of a threat.

Happiness isn't just simple pleasures.  It's the joy we feel when we strive towards our potential.
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Let's not dwell on unhappiness b/c we can't do the things we used to be able to do.   Happiness can be redefined.  Talk to your family, friends, co-workers anyone who will talk to you about what happiness is for them, and perhaps you can find more ways to find happiness for yourself.

This is, indeed, a difficult and challenging time, and we must all do what we can do to bring this to conclusion.
Of course, I mean social distancing, reinforcing that we must stay home/  Clean anything that comes into your house/apt. (mail, food packaging, etc.) and most of all the 20 second hand-washing advisement.
 
It is now a mystery that it is a time of stress.  We are doing battle with an invisible enemy.  We have seen on TV how our soldiers overseas, have to deal with non-visible bombs, weapons, mines and other devices designed to kill, undetected.  COVID isn't all that different.  We are under attack, and I can't think of anything more stressful.

The virus, itself, will take many lives.  In addition, to those who are physically already compromised, the stress of all of this will have a major impact, as well, in my opinion.

This is certainly a new and different chapter in our lives.  Staying "at home" 24/7 isn't what most of us are accustomed to doing.  Yet, here we are, working from home, filing for unemployment, if applicable, dealing with our children 'round-the-clock' and family members.  Even with our loved ones, this kind of contact with each other can take its toll.  

What's important is what I stress constantly with the couples that I see.  That is, to have gratitude, individually, and as a family.  As long as you are well, your spouse/partner is well, your children are well - - that is the gift; the appreciation; the gratitude which must be emphasized.  Do things together, which you didn't find the time to do.  Work on puzzles.  Paint a room.  Clear our cluttered closets.  Being aware of what has value to you, what is important to you will have a positive impact on your physical and mental health.

We will get through this ...TOGETHER.  Keep safe and healthy.
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The previous commentary discussed what to say to others when there's a loss.  But how do YOU accept the light when you're dealing with the death of a loved one?  What does it mean...to accept the light?  Where does that phrase come from?  To accept the light!  What is the light?  A mysterious glow radiating from where?  

More importantly, where do you seek out comfort, compassion, support from others?  Does helping others help yourself?  Can you turn anger into gratitude?  Gratitude for the relationship.  Gratitude for the connection.

Make a list of all the things you are thankful for related to that special person in your life.  Happy memories of experiences.  What did you learn from that person?  What did you most enjoy?

I know that I'm leaving you with a lot of questions, but it's important to think about the answers to those questions.  Cherishing those you have lost.  Recalling the love you received.  Have faith that the future will be kind and bright to you.  Embrace the light and leave the darkness behind.

How can you be a really good friend or family member, in times of crisis?  How to help?  Are you concerned that you won't know what to say or do?  People get sick - - seriously or terminally ill, they lose family members (parents, children)* and are bereft with grief, pregnancies go awry, relationships end abruptly, even the aging process, and more.  So, what do you do? 

These are a few responses, NOT TO SAY...
 
"You'll get over this."
"I've been there."
"It's for the best."
"You can always adopt."
"You are lucky that you had your mom for as long as you did.  I didn't have my mother for as long as you had yours."

Keep in the back of your mind that your friend or family member needs understanding, comfort, solace, "a soft place to land."  They know that what happened can't be changed.  It is..what it is.  And, that it is so sad and painful.  Let them know that you're there for them.  To listen and to acknowledge. Some better responses:

I am so sorry that this happened.
I was so sad to hear the news.
How are you dealing with this?
May I call you (choose a daily, weekly, biweekly, monthly schedule of communication)?

The moral to this is not to communicate that you know what they're going through, or, that you have the solution.  The best is to BE THERE..LISTEN..OFFER HELP (cooking, cleaning, helping with their small children, helping with property clean-out).  I know of someone who kept paying the property taxes and minor utilities emptying their father's empty house for years!  Was this extended grief?  What could you have offered?



*Family members can, and often, includes, pets

Everything I have ever heard was that it is good for you to be with friends.  Your stress hormones lower. Your blood pressure is lowered.  You're engaged and connected.  

But the key to this is that they need to be people whose company you enjoy and appreciate.  And, activities you enjoy that utilize the alternate side of your brain that you do not customarily use daily at work, for example.  For me, my friends were very eager and excited about a performance we saw at the Bucks County Playhouse which had to do with mental illness.  To be transparent, my clients are not mentally ill.  They, mostly, seek a sounding board, someone to assist with life issues, decisions, stress, etc.  However, the play was not relaxing for me.  I didn't enjoy myself, and it even affected me afterwards at our group dinner.  

​What works for me is when I get to use the right side of my brain, the creative/imaginative side, and that's when I truly relax.  Movies, light plays, concerts, the orchestra, Broadway and the wonderful playhouses we have in the Philadelphia and Delaware Valley.

For you, decide what works best:  Do you enjoy going to the "Club?" for fitness.  Riding a bike, Playing tennis or some other competitive sport, reading a book, listening to comedy, taking up a new language or making pottery.  The list can go on and on.

The main point is do what you enjoy.  Don't force yourself to do anything that doesn't bring you joy.  That is my missive for the end of 2019.  Enjoy, have fun and be safe.  Have a happy and healthy New Year!

Who makes a good friend?  A true friend?  What characteristics should a friend have?  How many friends do you have?  Is it the number on your Facebook account?  Do you have the same friends now that you had 10 years ago?  How about those folks you invited to your wedding?  Depending on your age, of course, ten years is a significant amount of time and a good test for friendship endurance.

Do your friends lift you up, or, bring you down?
Are they there for you, or, do they find an excuse to not be there for you?

A true friend is there for you.
A true friend will hold you up when you need that.
A true friend is honest and sees the good in you, even if they don't agree with you.
A true friend welcomes your presence and accepts the person that you are.

Be the model example of what a good friend should be.
​As in the 'Golden Rule," do unto your good friend, as you would like your good friend to do and be unto you.

​Blessings.

You don't have to be alone.  You can schedule social activity, just like scheduling alone time.  Here's the thing: the folks who lament that "I don't have friends who will do things with me," or, "my weekends are boring, and I don't know how to fill it."  It does take effort.  It takes initiating.  It takes reaching-out.  I can't tell you how many times I've been told, "I'm tired of being the one who does the calliing, or the planning, or the reservations, etc.  "I don't feel that it is being reciprocated; so, I have just given up.  The key word there is FEEL."

If you are feeling angry, perturbed, frustrated, that is a feeling and not necessarily a FACT.  And, indeed, there are those who do not initiate the call or the activity.  And, it may very well trigger a feeling.  If it brings up triggers from your past, Relationships where you felt that you did all-the-work.  Unless it's your partner or spouse, and that's a situation for another discussion, then find friends who will take an equal role in cultivating the friendship.  It goes both ways, after all.

PS:  Review your life goals.  If you've always wanted to learn how to ice skate, learn an art (painting, sculpture, ceramics, flyfishing, astrology, cooking class, poetry, writing your memoir, travel - - the list can go on and on. Join a topical meetup group.  You'll be surprised how many like-minded people you meet.

I have a lot to say about this topic.  I, myself, am very comfortable being alone.  A time to catch-up.  A time to 'be 'alone' with my thoughts.  Reflective.  However, I fully understand that while I crave alone time, it's not for everyone.  For some, being alone can be miserable.

I know that there are people who have many friends and feel lonesome.  And for others who have few friends, feel anything but lonely.  

Loneliness is a serious situation.  It poses risks for physical maladies.  Lonely people are more susceptible to GI illness, heart and pulmonary disease than non-lonely people.  Studies indicate that lonely people feel worse when stricken with any physical condition, even the common-cold.

In the book, "Loneliness:  Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection," the author states that "solitude can be restorative and peaceful;" however, the same person who craves solitude can also be depressed, sad and unhappy.

Keep in mind that this is a perceptual thing.  The QUALITY of relationships is as important, if not more important, than the sheer number of relationships.

Since I didn't post in September, I shall be posting again in October, Techniques to Defend Oneself Against Loneliness.  Until then...

Do you have difficulty falling asleep, or, staying asleep.  Do you toss and turn, and you awaken feeling exhausted?  The tried and true advice:  no cell phones, or, other screen-type devices; watch caffeine consumption.  We've all heard those suggestions.

​However, did you know that although having a glass of wine is calming before bedtime, it can also cause fragmented sleep, especially mid-sleep period.  The Center for Disease Control and Prevention suggests that your last drink is 3 hours before bedtime and with that, one drink for women and two, at the max., for men.

If you are on medications, don't forget to ask your doctor the best time to take them, as some of them could be energizing, e.g., antidepressant SSRI's.

Having a nap in the middle of the day might trick your brain.  That "power nap" may be what you need to fend off exhaustion in the middle of the day; it might also fool your brain and body from having that natural tiredness so that you drift off to sleep easily.

With all of this stated, and still no restful, easy sleep, your physician just might be the next alternative, so that you are evaluated for psychological reasons (depression, anxiety), or even physiological ones (deviated septum, sleep apnea, etc.)?