UNDER CONSTRUCTION
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In November (2021), I wrote a post on Loss/Sadness (titled, "Heartbreak"), and I re-read it today because, I suffered a loss and I'm feeling heartbroken.  It was helpful for me to experience the words on the page. 

I lost my little 17 y.o. mini long-haired dachshund last month, and I miss her terribly.  I know that this might spark some controversy, but I feel as though I lost my child.  I've had a number of dogs and cats in the past, but this dog, in particular, didn't think of herself as a dog.  In fact, close friends who knew her well, stated that she, herself, didn't think of herself as a dog.  She acted more like a "little human.,"

It's almost a month now, and everyday, a tear or two rolls down my cheeks multiple times/day, involuntarily.  All of my FB friends posted their understanding of what a huge loss this was for me, and they have all expressed their condolences, but do they really know the attachment, the intense love I had for that dog?

Our pets do not live long enough, and it is an extremely difficult decision to euthanize them at the end stage of their life.  Questions remain:  was it the right thing to do; was it the right time for it to be done; did she suffer (she was crying during the process);  could anything more be done to provide her life;  would any of these tests/procedures actually prolong suffering?

As you can see by my Archive List, I took the month of January off from writing a Post.  Truthfully, I was too distraught.  I don't know if everyone understands the level of grief; after all, they're just an animal (sic).  

But they're so much more.  She was so much more.  She was my one-in-a-million "dogter."

​RIP, "Gitta."

It's such a conundrum...forgiveness is.   My personal thought is that, in most cases, it is actually more beneficial for ourselves than for the person we are forgiving.

Are there acts or behavior that are unforgiveable?  Before you answer that, think of an inappropriate act that might be committed against your child by a family member, friend or stranger.  You don't always have to forgive someone.

IMO, if the trust is broken (trust being the key word here), it would be very difficult, if not impossible to have a relationship with that person again.  At the very least, the broken trust will always be a factor when dealing with the individual.

Can you forgive without condoning what happened?  If you can, if you can really be honest with yourself, you can make a choice to forgive.

One thing I know for sure.  Holding onto the negative thoughts, the anger, the emotions that you can't let go can be more detrimental, not only with that relationship, but other relationships, as well.  Talk to a professional if these overwhelming thoughts and feelings take over your life and ability to be happy, joyful and satisfied.
​Note:  see 4/6/21 "Forgiveness" entry.

Can you heal a broken heart?  I read the lyrics of The Bee Gees song, " How Can you Mend a Broken Heart?" and some of the lyrics indicate that there are situations, instances when you just can't mend your broken heart.   Whether it's a loss of a loved one or the end of a relationship, I believe that you can, but it take a lot of work and time.  It is important to know the things that bring you joy.  And schedule those in.  It doesn't mean that you won't feel surges of sadness.  It's important to give yourself what you feel like you need.   

What if it was your friend who was experiencing trauma of loss?  You might ask what you could do, and that is what you must ask yourself.

All of us have different ways of experiencing situational sadness.
Take it slowly.  Take it easy.  Practice serious self-care.  Be kind to yourself.  And, open your heart to love...

Ok, I've got your attention, and, you may be thinking...I've heard of this Meditation-thing from a lot of people, but I didn't think that it would be for me.  Well, this may be the perfect time for you.

Find a comfortable chair and sit straight.  Close your eyes, preferably.  If you rather keep your eye lids open, pick a spot in the room that you are in to focus.
Now let's address your breath and the associated rhythm.  I would recommend thinking not so much about your breath, but rather think about a place on your body which the breath affects, e.g., the in & out movements of your anatomy affected by your respirations (expanding your ribs, filling your lungs.  Just feel it.  You could also say, "in" and "out" with each cycle.  Invariably, your mind is going to start to wander, what am I going to make for dinner tonite, don't forget to pick up the laundry on the way home, don't forget to tell my partner this or that.  This is a normal process.  We used to refer to this as day-dreaming.  When this occurs, don't judge yourself, just bring yourself back to the mechanics of your breathing...in & out.  Three minutes, 5 minutes...it's all good.  There are some wonderful 10-minute meditations on You Tube.  A daily practice of that is like a tonic for your soul.  Feelings related to stress will just melt away.
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I don't know where the Summer went, but here we are in September, and officially, the beginning of Autumn.  

Here's a riddle!

What can take as little as a minute?  Decrease anxiety, your blood pressure; strengthen your immune system and slow down the natural aging process of the brain.  

Give up?

The answer would be:  Mindful Meditation.  Why is it mindful?  Because, you have to give full attention to your breath.  You have to catch yourself when your mind wanders with random thoughts, and, you have to bring your attention back to your breath.

​Five to ten minutes /day would be ideal, but like any other practice, you have to start somewhere, and somewhere is anywhere.  Next entry shall be easy-peasy steps for you to begin.  Let's GO!

Is There Such a Thing as Having Too Much Fun?
What do you do that you consider fun?  Shouting at the top of your lungs at a football game, bar drinking with friends, betting on horses or gambling at the Casino?

You must really like it; otherwise, why would you be doing it?

Does it make you feel better?  Surely, you do when you are carousing with friends.  Or when you are heavily engaged in a captivating conversation.  You are listening intently, you are offering insights, you are glad that you are there, in that person's company.

When you are having fun, you are smiling, you are happy.  Do you have to be with others to have fun?  Certainly not!  Doing what you enjoy, exploring new territories, playing a game of bowling by yourself can be as much fun as playing against someone else.  Shooting pool by yourself can be as engaging playing solo, as it can be with a playing partner.  Speaking of pool, taking a swim, doing laps can be fulfilling and make you feel accomplished.  That can be fun too.

But do what you love and love what you do and HAVE FUN while you are doing it.

​I don't know if my colleagues would agree with me.  That is, I believe there are circumstances that aren't in your best interest to forgive.  It would not be healing for you.  
Actually, I believe strongly in what is done, is done.  What is the point of holding onto grudges?
If another individual will not apologize to you, can you just let it go, or, do you forgive?  However, if you feel truly wronged. You may not wish to put yourself in the awkward position of seeing that person, dealing with hurt feelings or, waiting for an apology that may never happen.  What I do know to be true is that percolating with that grudge is unhealthy and can make you sick.  And, what good is that?

How do you separate what you heart is saying to you...from your mind, from you body, from your spiritual being.  How do you know which one is speaking to you, or, is that why it is confusing and disorderly?

When others are speaking, do you take the time to really understand what they are saying, or, are you thinking of the reply?

How do you know when the person speaking to you, just wants you to listen, and not respond with 'ideas-to-fix' a situation?

It's not being selfish when I suggest that in order to be a really good listener for others, you have to listen to yourself.  Hear what each area of you is saying to you.  Does your body ache, or are you feeling extremely fatigued?  Is your brain frazzled, not being able to take in anything else?  Is your schedule to demanding, or others in your life (family, work, etc.) just asking too much?

Perhaps now is the time for transformation.  To really listen to yourself, what it is that you need.  It's about freeing yourself from unwieldy obligations, making time for yourself to do...whatever.  

Be curious to try new things, or to do nothing at all.  Whatever you do, do it with honesty and integrity.

Ask yourself what you need to feel free.  Free enough to make decisions, first, that are in your self-interest.  When you take care of yourself, you will find that you are more present, more engaged to be there for others.

Show that you care, for yourself, first, and then for others.

Stay safe, and, stay well.  Hope you receive the vaccine soon, and without too much consequence, if any, at all.

For those who live alone, this can be a very lonely time.  Over 10 months into this, and we are still being instructed to maintain social distancing, wear masks and limit contact with others outside of your bubble.

It can be viewed as a lonely, and, boring time. We are eating more.  Watching TV more.  In front of our monitors/screens more, and each day doesn't seem that different from the previous day.  Of course, there are some households with two or more people, and maybe the loneliness factor doesn't apply to them; however, the screen time can  still very much be an issue.

The social disconnection is the constant and is what makes this insidious.  I have heard from friends, family
members and clients that Covid quarantine is not that much different from life before Covid.  Where it has been a real issue is, as mentioned before, is people living alone, older adults who depended on visits from their children and grandchildren.  And this has gone away...for now.  And don't get me started about the Holidays!

Be aware that there are individuals with few social contacts, in general (now and the past), and, that aren't feeling lonely at all.  And there are individuals who have a wide social network pre-Covid and they feel terribly lonely and disconnected.  How to make sense of all this?

In my professional opinion, face-time, REAL FACETIME, not the app on Apple products is what I strongly suggest...

Even from a minimum of six feet away:  double-masked and adhering to ALL safety precautions is better than isolation and loneliness.

I wish us all the very best wishes with all of this.  From my heart to yours!
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